Episode 4: Lynn: What’s Act Two?

Some women fear aging. Those “big” numbers can hit them hard. Lynn Young is NOT one of those women. As she recently turned 60, she has had poignant moments of reflection on all of the transitions that she’s experienced. Join me and Lynn, as we discuss some of the transitions that Lynn has experienced within her own life from career, marriage, parenting, and even retirement…kind of!

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Lynn Young, Parent, Educator, and Life Transitions Specialist
Lynn has had many chapters in her own life, and she knows that change is the only constant.  Some of the biggest chapters in her life book have included teaching, parenting, and helping families of children with disabilities. While Lynn has left the classroom and her own child is grown, she finds herself called to support teachers, parents, and those ready to write their next chapter.  As Lynn remember the stress, overwhelm, and the joys of parenting and teaching, she realized she could have used some help along the way.  At times, she  was not sure who she was, and if she could do all that she wanted in life…Lynn just felt defeated.  

Life coaching is Lynn’s way of giving back.  She believes that sometimes we need someone to listen and affirm our feelings and struggles.  Someone who is able to help us find a different way of looking at things and move forward as we write our own next chapter. We have many chapters in our life.  When finishing one chapter and starting the next many emotions arise, and sometimes we just need a bit of support.  Life Chapters Coaching is all about helping you find the answers to live your best life.  
Life Chapters Coaching  
http://www.mylifechapters.com

Transcription

Stacie Crawford 00:00 

Hi, Lynn, thank you so much for joining me today. I am super excited about having this conversation with you. We have had quite a few really good ones over the past two years, I think at this point since we since we’ve become friends so Lynne, why don’t you tell me a little bit about who you are? 

Lynn Young 00:23 

Wow, that’s such an interesting question or is, you know, because when you hear people say, Well, who are you? I’m like, Well, I’m Lynn Young. I’m from, you know, North Carolina. And then I think about that. And this year, when I turned 60, I was like, so who am I? And you really start thinking about that, and I can go, Well, I’m a mom, I’m a wife, I was a teacher, I’m retired from that now, I’m a life coach. I’m a trainer. I’m, I’m a creative person. I you know, there’s like so many labels that we put on ourselves when we say, introduce yourself and tell you that tell me who you are. And so I think that as I turned 60, this year, which number one was major surprised me? I still don’t quite feel that way. But anyway, I kind of started really looking back and going, Yeah, who am I and what what kind of led that path. Because it really has been quite a journey. And it’s kind of fun. Now to be able to look back, I find myself feeling calmer, a little less, where I don’t worry so much about all the little things anymore. So So I guess who I would say I am as I am a woman who is happy to be 60 and exploring life with the same exuberance to learn and create and change as I was when I was 25. So I guess that’s the easiest way to put that. 

Stacie Crawford 02:05 

I love it. I love it. You know, it’s so interesting, I think that you can relate to this as you go through coach training this whole idea of who are you? Like, that’s a loaded question. You know, we know that’s a loaded question. As coaches, you know, who are you being? What are you doing? They’re not necessarily the same thing. But sometimes they overlap. So. But the other thing that makes that kind of makes me giggle about your answer is that each of the roles that you discussed, have so much transition and change within them, not just turning 60 This year, but along this path that you’ve had reaching to a really young 60. Okay, like, let’s, let’s not get too crazy here and think that 60 years old, because it’s not really not really not. But there are so many roles that you play and have played that like really revolve around transition. And that’s kind of why I was excited to have you on here. Because I think you have a really interesting point of view about how life is and you know, how you figured out throughout your own life, what you’re going to do to go forward. So when you think about the transitions that you’ve had in your life, I’m curious, what have been the ones that have been the hardest ones for you to get through? Hmm. 

Lynn Young 03:48 

Well, you know, I mean, of course, there’s all those transitions is sort of I can remember early in my life, whenever I graduated from high school, I graduated from college, I got married, I had a baby. You know, I kind of did that. And I’m like, oh, all the major events in my life from Don, you know, that there was that that minute of thought. And then I realized that, no, they’re still all there. But they all take on different, different meanings at this point in time. I think a couple of transitions, I wouldn’t say they were necessarily difficult, but they certainly gave me challenges that helped me to grow. And probably the first one was getting married. You know, I married a man who’s 14 years older than I am. We’ve been married for 36 years. But that was you know, all of a sudden you went into this and it’s not the fairy tale that you think it’s going to be. What I’ve learned over the years is that every single day you have to talk about what’s going on. You have to both enter into the relationship willing to work on it. And I I think right now, at this point, you know, I’m I’m 60, which makes my husband 75, he actually turned 75. And so now we’re kind of in a different another transition point where he’s starting to have health kinds of things happen, and some things like that. And so that I have a feeling will be, has have its moments of difficulty. Yeah, I think the other one was when, when Justin was born, first of all, because of that age difference that Rob and I had, Rob was like, I really don’t think I want to have any children. And I went into our marriage, saying, I’m good with that. I’ll get it, you know, I’ll be fine with that, because I teach so many kids. And when I say when I use my kids, I really mean my kids. That’s how I always thought of the students that I’ve taught. And they still, even now as I’m watching, some of them graduate from high school, and even college, I’m like, oh, yeah, that was my kid. But then I hit this point of realizing that I can only make a small change for those kids. Because they were my kids, but not really, my kids, they all went home, they all had their own moms and dads, and I don’t underestimate the influence I may have had, but I was like, I really wanted my very young. And so that took some counseling, and us looking at what it was, and then just a conscious decision to have only one, which, you know, society always is like, so when’s the next one coming? You know, they ask you the kinds of questions they ask. And so then becoming a trio instead of just a couple, that, that, you know, we took a lot of very conscious steps to get there. But once we got there, we were loving that. But that also just brings up, you know, all the new things that happen, you know, with a new baby and all of the transitions. Justin was a pretty easy teenager. So that wasn’t real hard. As he went into college, it got a little bit, he had a few more bumps in the road, but still did well. And you know, now we’re just in this place where we just really enjoy this young adult that we get to spend time with, and, and enjoy. And so I would say, you know, the difficulty came along, as I probably had to balance work. And being a mom and being a wife, because I loved what I did. I still love walking into a classroom and being with a group of kids, nothing makes me happier. But so I always loved that. But how do you balance that because I also knew from the other side what I wanted to be sure my child had, right, I had been I had been married five years before we had him. And so I also knew that you couldn’t take marriage for granted. You had to put in the time. And so all of that balancing was always I’d say that was probably some of the most difficult things, but at the same time I learned from those. The there was a point in my life probably around 39 I was probably I guess I was halfway halfway through my teaching career. And I really just was struggling. I tend to be I was a perfectionist. And I say a former perfectionist, because I really have tried to learn what good enough means. Because I suddenly realized that my perfect was like, just ridiculous. And so sometimes there has to be a good enough. And so that was kind of hard because I got to a point I kept getting sick. Like every 10 years, I’d have this other mysterious illness that would come up one side of my body going numb, you know, IVs for a while, and I had a whole world wild thing with with blood. My iron levels drop in, and I have these really weird things that would happen like once every 10 years. 

Stacie Crawford 09:25
Like that’s so interesting. Yeah. Like your body was sitting there saying to you, hey, if you’re 

not going to slow down, I’m gonna make you slow down. 

Lynn Young 09:34 

But precisely because every single one of those were a situation where I literally had to take time off work and take care of just me. I had to be the focus because I was just too sick to do anything else. I couldn’t pick up all the pieces and keep everybody kind of going. And so I would say that probably was like that really? difficult time. 

Stacie Crawford 10:01 

Yeah, yeah, that. It sounds like Yes, wonderful lessons and wonderful experiences along the way. But at the same time, each point had a real struggle and a sense of what does it look like now? How do I can? How do I keep one plate in the air while I’m putting this new plate in the air? You know, especially that makes me think of when you’re talking about changing from the two of you, to the three of you, you know, you don’t want to you don’t want to rock the boat on this great Tunis. But you know that the great three nests is gonna be totally awesome also, but how do you how do you do that? And I think that a lot of us understand that things are going to change, things are going to, you know, some things are going to end and some things are going to begin. And it’s there’s a lot more going on than just hey, here’s another person in the house. Oh, yeah. You know, the dynamics of your relationship? 

Lynn Young 11:15 

Well, and then it goes to the other extreme. So then you get to the the other end of that, and it’s that suddenly it’s an empty nest. And it’s just the two of us again, yeah. And that that was also an interesting transition for us. Because Rob was retired and at home I think for for four years. He No, he was he’s semi retired, he was still doing some counseling and stuff. But so he was at home. And so he had the whole house to himself, he could do whatever he wanted, if you wanted to take a call on the speakerphone in the middle of the kitchen. So be it if he wanted to do something on the computer in the middle of the kitchen, this was fine and not use his office. But then I retired and I came home and I was like, Okay, we got to work something out here because this is not working for me. And so suddenly, we were in this different place of we were both together a lot of the time, which what enjoy them has been for us but but you know, there’s definitely I think I’ve used the word with you before bittersweet. It’s like all these transitions happen. And I remember particularly with Justin, those transitions would happen, and because he was our one and only, I was like, Oh, I’ll never see this baby again, you know, I’ll never have this baby time, or I’ll never have this fun, you know, preschool time. And then when he got to a point, you know, middle school was a little, but that was still fun. I mean, I was, uh, he was in a lot of plays, and I was making costumes, and we were doing all of that. And then he went on to high school, and, you know, needing us less and less. And then he goes, and so each of those stages, you kind of mourn, but what I also realized is, the next stage is just something different. And like, what, you know, I think about like the other day, he told me that I could no longer call him an adult child, I think I told you just one child, again, calling an adult offspring. I think I’m just gonna go with son on and leave it at that. But you know, it’s definitely just a point where we have this great relationship, and I can pick up and call and this respect for, you know, to call him in or send him a text and say, can you talk right now? Or are you busy, just as a respectful way of honoring that he’s working, he’s got a full time job to now and so we have to work on that. And so it’s, it’s all like I said, bittersweet. On one hand, you’re letting something go that you loved and, and held dear to your heart for the time that it was there. And then the, you know, then all of a sudden, there’s something new that comes along, and it’s wonderful to so yeah, so I that was a long way to answer that question. 

Stacie Crawford 14:11 

Well, but you know, it would have brought up for me is the memory of sitting with my ex husband when our son was born and you know, for for both of us, this was all new, I had babysat. He did not he, you know, literally like here’s a newborn do I have to hold it because I might break it you know, that kind of mentality because there there was just no experience there. But I remember that entire first year like it would be every couple of weeks Steve would turn to me and he you know, it would be like he was holding this baby you know, like holding the boy child up and just looking at me and being like, this is the best stage ever. You know, like, look, it’s like a little lob, it doesn’t do anything. This is the best stage ever. Oh, look, it’s sitting up. This is the best stage ever, you know, oh, he said, Dad, this is the best stage ever. And he wasn’t wrong. They really were, each piece was the best stage ever. And it doesn’t stop it just the vocalization of this is the best stage ever, you know, comes in once you’re too busy running around after the child that can run around and doing all the things you know. But I see that and exactly with what you’re talking about with Justin, you know, there’s this, this is so amazing. It doesn’t. It doesn’t delete what has come before, because all of that was also so amazing. It must be very incredible to sit there and think that this child of yours, this adult offspring of yours, he is he he’s truly got his own life. He’s working a full time job. He’s got his own relationships. He’s got his own life at a time where you and your husband are really exploring what does it mean to be just the two of us again? 

Lynn Young 16:30 

Yeah, well, and that has given us opportunity to both explore new things. So like I said, Rob had stayed. He was working part time as a counselor, he was doing it on Zoom. So he was working from home. But he’s always loved music. And so this year, he completely retired, so that he could do just his music. But at the same time, I’m kind of ramping up career number two, because I looked at, you know, I retired after I’ve been in public schools for 35 years. And so all of a sudden, I was like, Okay, what’s, what’s Act Two, you know, because I retired four years ago, so I was 56, I was like, I’m not really ready to stop working, but I’m ready to be done with all the paperwork. And all the people telling me what I needed to do mostly was the paperwork, it was not the kids. You know, it was mostly all the regulations that kept coming down. And so, you know, Conscious Discipline was something that I had put into my own classroom. And so when I was asked to be a certified instructor for them, that was thrilling. So that is one part. But then I thought, okay, there may be a point in time where I’m not going to want to travel as much as I do with that. And so then I really began looking back at what were the things that I really, truly loved. And what I found was building those connections with people. And I had always thought that I kind of wish I had gone into counseling myself. And so I was like, not what I want to do at this stage. But the life coaching suddenly was like, Oh, this is a wonderful opportunity to talk to a friend who had gone through AIPAC and decided that this made this was perfect. And of course, you know, here we are two years later. And that’s all she wrote kind of a thing. And I’m, I am loving it, because I get to go and I still get to help people, and be part and build connections with people. And as you know, one part of my business is really, I’ve decided that I’m going to really kind of aim that for teachers, I want teachers, because I remember what it felt like to not be able to figure out how to set both just to set boundaries, because they just will ask you to continue to do more. And so setting those boundaries for what you’re willing to do, but also setting some emotional boundaries to and you know, how do you look at things 

and I like to call it q tip, quit taking it personally kind of a thing. And so that was the other part I really wanted to give back to a profession that I had really loved. And as I sat back and looked at those I thought if I did just had somebody who could have helped me kind of prioritize figure out how to move forward when I was feeling so overwhelmed. Because instead what I did is I just like you were talking about the plates in the air. Yeah, I just put a whole bunch of them up there and I kept spinning them all and hope that none of them fell and kind of drove myself crazy. Making sure that they all stayed especially when I had a young child at home that I wanted to be a part of his life, and I had a marriage that I valued greatly. So those things when you put all that together, I was like, Man, I wish I had a life coach. And that was kind of what led me to that point that that’s the the thing that I’m really working on. So I’m kind of doing two careers simultaneously. I’m training and working for coaching for Conscious Discipline. And when I coach for Conscious Discipline is different because I’m in classrooms, and I’m coaching implementation, and then doing the life coaching, and really helping people figure out is where do I want to be? How do I move forward? What steps do I need to take? What boundaries do I want to put in place, and that just felt right for me, and at this point in my life, I’m loving it. And I can see myself doing, especially the life coaching for a really long time, and really enjoying that piece of my life. And so, you know, now I’m back to I’m semi retired and figuring out, okay, I want to be semi retired, I don’t want to be Yeah, 

Stacie Crawford 21:07
what does that look like? What does this look like? 

Lynn Young 21:11 

And there’s been a few bumps along the way on that as well. Because I keep finding myself, I’m kind of a Yes, girl. So people say, can you do this job? I’m like, Yeah, sure, I’ll do this job. And then I’m like, wait, what have I just done. And so that’s still a work in progress, progress. But I think you know, that all goes with all the learning. And I do have time now to feel creative, to be able to spend some time doing some art or be able to do some time in the garden. And I don’t have to feel like I’m a weekend warrior where I have to get it all done on Saturday and Sunday. And that’s such a pleasure. 

Stacie Crawford 21:51 

So yes, yes. And I make a lot of people are trying to figure out how to incorporate those feel good soul nourishing activities back into their lives. It’s interesting, because I think that over the pandemic, people started to realize, oh, look, I can not be as busy. And I can have these activities going on during the week and not be that weekend warrior. But I’m watching people ramp up more and more different companies, requiring their employees to return to in person work, which I know a lot of people that are ready, and super excited to be back at work. And that’s great if that works for you. But they’re starting to question what, what do I want this to really look like? Like, do I need to work? Like I used to? Does my life need to look that way? Where How do I how do I find? And I know we use the word balance. And I’m not a big fan of that word. Because I think people think that it means equal. And that’s not quite the same. It’s more like that seesaw of what am I giving more attention to today? What am I giving more attention to tomorrow, but in the end, it all kind of works out? 

Lynn Young 23:15 

Right? And I think I know, Justin, he’s he’s 31. And that’s one of the biggest things he has. Now he works for a nonprofit. And so they’re allowing some time, you know, that they do some time at home, and they do some time in the office. And, you know, of course, because he’s a nonprofit he’s on, he works for a place called River link. And what they do is, so he’s taking people in the river and doing things like that. So he’s kind of, he kind of gets a nice feel because you get some of that outside, you know, vitamin n that they talked about, you know, naturally Oh, yeah. And I think but he is genuinely looking at, you know, is making a lot more money. More important than living right here where I’ve got the things that I need. And I still have time to have hobbies, to do things. Now. He has times where like, summertime is a big time because they run a camp. Right? So he’s busy, but then he knows that he’ll have some other time. That’s not and, you know, like he said to us, we’re gonna go see him this weekend. And he said, Oh, yeah, I had five days or four days between when it gets really crazy, and I just decided to take some vacation. And I was like, good for you. Because I don’t know what I would have done. I would think at that age, I would have failed the time. Um, so I do think people are being smarter about that. And I sometimes don’t think you are as aware of how stressed out you are until you stop. When and I stopped in the summer. You know, I always work 10 months, which you know, because we only get paid for 10 months. And I’d save money during the year so that I didn’t have to do another job for the two months that I wasn’t employed. And so but when I retired, I was like, oh, man, I had no real complete understanding of how stressed I was, until I completely stopped. And I think, you know, the first six months that I was retired, I really didn’t do anything else. I didn’t I it was like a recharge. But I think sometimes we really have to, because if you’re going on vacation, and you’re still checking email, if you are taking a day off, and you’re still answering phone calls, or you’re still thinking about work, you really haven’t shut off and the importance of being able to, like, I admire the people that say, I am on vacation for two weeks, I am not checking my email, and I’m not taking any phone calls. But that’s a hard thing to do in our society today that expects us to always be ready. And it’s a very American thing. It is, yeah, people in other countries, they like, Heck no, y’all. I’m 

Stacie Crawford 26:14 crazy. Oh, 

Lynn Young 26:16 

no. And so I think some of that, that has been, that’s been one of the reflections that I’ve been able to come to as, as I’ve retired, that I think will help me when I work with clients. Because suddenly I’m able to reflect back and go, Well, how important was that? Really, you know, and, and but I think that I do think our younger generation has gotten smarter about that. Some people call them lazy, but I find them to be in genius, I think that they have are figuring something out. They’re figuring out how to work hard, and get things done without totally losing themselves. You know, still making time for hobbies to go outside, to get enough sleep. All the things that we know are really good for us. So I admire them. 

Stacie Crawford 27:12 

Yeah, it’s interesting to watch them. You know, I have a sister who is 20 years younger than me. So she is right around Justin’s age. And it’s really amazing to watch them go out into the world, because they do they operate from a very different default place than what I was raised with what you were raised with. You know, it is, it seems like there is more of a they’re getting closer to the work to live instead of the live to work. And, you know, really choosing what is more important, do I need to be having these pieces of material items that show my status and show that I’ve made it? Or do I want to be able to go camping for three weeks and be utterly and soulfully happy. They’re picking what is more important to them. And guess what some do pick the pieces, and that’s great. And some pick the camping and that’s great. So I’m really interested in seeing what this young, you know, 20 to 30 year olds, I’m really interested in seeing like, what changes in the work culture because of the way that they’re coming in. It’s interesting. 

Lynn Young 28:49
Yeah, because they’re also not afraid to try to take a different job, right? You go you stay, you get the 

Stacie Crawford 28:58 

watch after when you retire yet that doesn’t exist anymore. Nobody cares. They’re just like, Oh, I’m gonna work at 50 jobs before I retire because I love them all or because I hated them. I’ll leave and but it doesn’t matter. There’s not this. You stay at the same company for your entire career. Have many careers in your lifetime. That’s normal now.  

Lynn Young 29:27 

Yeah. And I you know, I’m kind of excited because as I retire Yeah, I’m getting some new careers. For me, that keep you learning and keep you kind of on I think that keeps you on your toes and it keeps your creativity there. Because you’re always learning something new. And then at least for me, I’m I’m like always thinking about, well, how can I do that different like, especially when I’m planning and training? How can I teach that different? How can I move on and what a different place that 

Stacie Crawford 29:56 

is so yes, have a great day. Um, I know we’re getting close to the end of our time together. But there’s something that we have talked about in the past. And I really wanted to make sure to bring it up, because it is just something that really struck me. And I wanted to put it out there and see if anybody else resonates with it and kind of get your get you going on it again, the name of your business is life chapters coaching. And I would like to now why is your business called Life chapters coaching, I love this. 

Lynn Young 30:36 

So when I was trying to come up with a name, I kept playing with all these different things. And then, you know, it just occurred to me that we all write our chapters. So we write this chapter for a little while, and then you finish it and you move to the next one. And, you know, I was trying to figure out the other day, I wonder how many chapters my my life has, but when you get to a new chapter, or even the current chapter you’re in, sometimes you want to edit it, like you’re looking at this chapter, and you’re going, Okay, I’m in the middle of toddler motherhood, and okay, something needs to change. Are you ready to do an edit? And that might be a place and I’m like, That’s a perfect place for where a coach can help you figure out okay, what is it about it? That is, because you’re just stuck, you’re going, I’ve got this two or three year old, and I’m not quite sure where to go next. And then you move on, and you get into a different a different chapter, maybe it’s about your work. And you’re like, Okay, I’ve been a teacher, that’s, I’m just using that as an example. Because that’s been my and, and I’m looking at this, this is my chapter about being a teacher. And all of a sudden, I wrote that whole chapter. And at the end of it, Am I satisfied? You know, do I like that chapter? And there might be some things I do. And some things I don’t? What can I learn from that chapter? What kinds of stories have I told myself about that tab that are in that chapter, the new form other things happening in my life. And so when I thought about coaching, I thought, we all sometimes need help to either edit or write the next chapter. You know, I think authors they, they do that, too. They, they rely on researchers and all kinds of people to help them write the next chapter or help them get the information they need. And so when I was thinking about coaching, I thought, well, that’s what we do. We help people figure out either how to edit the current chapter they’re in, or if they’re looking to move to something completely different, help them figure out what what is that, because sometimes we just don’t know. And I reflected on my own life. And I thought, you know, there were times along the way that I was really kind of stuck, like, I wouldn’t have probably written anything, because I was just on repeat, you know, I kept repeating the same thing. So there wasn’t anything new to add to the chapter. But I can’t say I was completely satisfied. If I’d had somebody to help me, I probably might have had a lot more information to, you know, just might have had a lot more story to it. So that was kind of where I came up with, like chapters, it just struck me as a way that I think about my life. And I guess that that’s part of just reflecting on where I’ve been and where I hope to be. 

Stacie Crawford 33:31 

Yes, yes, I love that. I think it’s, it definitely shows in the way that you speak about your own experiences. I know having been in many conversations with you, you really operate from a place of empowering the people around you to understand that they are the authors of their chapters, you you clearly speak that truth to people and allow people to step into that place of authorship. So anything else that you can think of that you would like to share that I’m not thinking now? 

Lynn Young 34:17 

I don’t think so. I think you know, my biggest thing would be to say to people know that there are going to be moments in your life, there will be places for celebration, and, and excitement. And then there will be moments in your life that have sadness, and maybe grief and anger that go along with them. But all of them come together to kind of put together your own book, to write your next chapter. And you know, the bittersweet of both of them, you know, of the ying and the yang of the really exciting parts and this parts that you sometimes would go He’s really stick I just like, throw away. You know, whenever if you can work hard to get through them, then usually we find that we learn things from them. And basically, I also think that if you you want to focus on what you want, you know, where do you want to go next and try and find that place every day. You know, find even if an hour go and find something small that makes you happy in that one day mean, it might mean they got you ate a bowl of ice cream, eat it and love it, you every bite of it, and don’t feel a bit guilty about it and move forward. So that would be my my kind of closing remark. I guess. 

Stacie Crawford 35:43 

I love it. It’s wonderful. It’s wonderful. Thank you so much for spending time with me. I always love our conversations and I I really appreciate you showing up for this and I’m sure that a lot of people are going to hear a lot of themselves and things that we’ve talked about today. So thank you, Lynn. 

Lynn Young 36:03
You are so welcome. I love being with you.