Join me as I speak with Jordan Tepfer, CFP™, CPA from Jordan Tepfer Coaching & Consulting, LLC. Jordan shares his story that started with a career change, but ended with an entirely new and fulfilling approach to life.
About Jordan Tepfer
Jordan Tepfer spent 12+ years in the corporate world at a Big 4 accounting firm, an international law firm, and as the Chief Operating Officer of a private investment office. His “success” in his prior career was filled with much stress, worry, doubt, no boundaries, and little sleep. Fittingly, Jordan specializes in helping ambitious professionals whose work has overtaken their lives but still want great success. He provides 1:1 individual and group coaching both within and outside of organizations.
If he had to sum up what he does in one sentence it would be to help his clients bring more confidence and authenticity to their personal and professional lives to not only achieve greater success but also enjoy themselves along the way, by uncovering and addressing the root issues to make lasting change.
His general approach is that confidence and happiness will lead to greater, lasting success, as opposed to the other way around.
He lives in Rochester, NY with his wife and two young children that he adores.
Register for his “Increasing your confidence in the workplace” free, virtual workshop on Wed., 11/9/22 at 12pm EST:
https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZwkd-CvpzsqGtWFVwOHs5Ux5yaG40YhJEYc
To learn more about Jordan, please check out his website:
You can also find him on his social media:
LinkedIn: Jordan Tepfer, CFP®, CPA, CPC | LinkedIn
Facebook: Jordan Tepfer Coaching and Consulting | Rochester NY | Facebook
Instagram: Jordan Tepfer Coaching and Consulting (@jordantepfercoaching) • Instagram photos and videos
Transcription
Stacie Crawford
Hi, everybody, welcome back to the changes in our lives podcast, I have got an incredible guest today, Mr. Jordan tapper, who is ready to tell us some of his secrets that he found out during a recent change that he made. So, Jordan, welcome to the podcast. I’m really excited to have you here.
Jordan Tepfer
Thank you, Stacie. Happy to be here. Excellent. So, Jordan, why don’t you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do to start off? Yeah, sure. So I started my career as a CPA, certified public accountant, and a certified financial planner, spent the majority of my career doing that working for PricewaterhouseCoopers
And so, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, for sure, from there, but I knew a change was an order. And that’s how I was led to AIPAC, the coaching program. And, you know, I resigned from my position that I was in currently, or at the time, and a couple months later joined AIPAC, and from there it was like, wow, this is a perfect fit. And this is absolutely what I love doing what I want to be doing.
Stacie Crawford
You know, it sounds like it was a slow build up to the realization that you weren’t doing I guess what, what felt really good and life because like you said, you know, on paper, like, it looks perfect. And this is something that I see a lot of people dealing with, you know, my life is perfect from the outside, but it doesn’t feel right. So was it a slow buildup? Or did you have a particular moment where you were like, oh, no, now all of a sudden it was this realization?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, I think it was both there was definitely a slow build up partly because I wasn’t ever my approach to work was never going to do what I love doing I’m gonna follow my passion it was always follow you know, I was raised kind of follow the natural career progression do what guarantees success, you know, the most and follow that I didn’t really have. So it was just like, I was just doing what I thought was natural as far as that goes. And you know, I liked a lot of aspects of it, but it certainly wasn’t something I was like, you know, passionate about or what I naturally just like love doing.
So I think as my life got more and more complicated is like, you layered on, you know, children to the mix, and it’s like, okay, I used to be able just work non stop now. I can’t. And so now the things that I struggle with are really just becoming more clear and coming more to the forefront. So that was kind of the slower build was like, Okay, this is kind of getting unfeasible, where it’s like, hey, Everyone around me is saying, Wow, you’re doing great. And you get all these, you know, Pat’s on the back and everyone else. It’s like, things are great. You know, you see relatives like, oh, wow, so proud of You’re doing so well, but it’s like, cheese. And you know, they, of course, people are going to do that you see friends of like, oh, yeah, it sounds like things are going great. And so you get that, and that doesn’t help with like, the awareness to oh, that’s, you know, you just kind of think like, this is just what you do, right? Like, this comes with success, you know, quote, unquote. But as my schedule got compressed with time, it was like, wow, these things are really coming up and managing all of all this, like, that’s getting tough. And it’s really, because it was taking so much of my energy is so much underlying stress. It was impacting, you know, how I was parenting, really, and I was getting frustrated, quicker, I was shorter with them. And so that’s where it really came to a head when you say there’s a moment it was really during the pandemic, when I’m thinking to myself, like, you know, the whole thing of wow, this is how unfair is this to my kids if like, I live my whole life. And it’s like, you know, I’m the type of person I want to be on Saturday alone, and then vacations. And every other day, it’s like, hey, you know, I’m just stressed and stuff. And that’s just how it is like that is unfair to them, they don’t get to choose their parents. And that’s not the environment I want them to be raised in. And I also didn’t want them to associate work with that type of mentality, I didn’t want them to look at work as like, Oh, this is something we do to make money. We don’t necessarily enjoy it. But we live for weekends, we live for vacations, we live for retirement, all that I wanted them to say I want to be the example of like, oh, wow, like, work just sounds like something like, it’s something that just fits him, and it really brings them energy. And so when I think about what I want to do for a living, I’m just gonna follow what I what I want to do, what do I enjoy doing, which is wildly different than how I was raised. And it was like, it was inspiring to think of that like to kind of be that example for that. Because as you’re a kid, it’s like everyone tells you, you can do whatever you want. But it’s like the actions do not follow that as you get older and older people started saying, well, let’s be realistic here, you know. And it starts to get tamed down over and over and over. So there was a real realization, like, during the pandemic, working from home, there’s very little to do, you know, when most things were locked down, where it’s like, wow, this is becoming clear, I want to make it some type of change. I didn’t know what it was at the time. But that’s when it really, I’d say is the aha moment.
Stacie Crawford
That makes a lot of sense to me. It would seem to me that when you have all of that, you know, that validation of look at you you’re really successful, it would seem that it would then be a little bit harder to make a change, and to has other people looking in. Why would you walk away from all of that? Why would you walk into the unknown? Why would you? You know, why? Why would you give up what you have? Because they’re not seeing what you don’t have? Yeah, you know, when you finally decided, hey, I’m going to explore this new avenue, which happened to be coaching, what else was going on in your world that made you decide that was the way to go?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, well, I mean, to your point of, yeah, people don’t understand, you know, they look at you like, you’re just gonna resign, and you don’t even have something lined up. And then this is like such a surprise. It was like, Well, you know, at first, it’s like, you naturally get defensive, but really, you’re like, Well, of course, they they don’t understand, they don’t know, everything that’s going on in my head and everything that’s been going on behind the scenes, like of course, it would come as a surprise, and they wouldn’t necessarily like understand, you know, why would that? Um, so there was a lot of that and that, you know, that was like, had to get over that piece of it. But you know, as they say, it’s like, once it became the pain of staying there continuing to do what I was doing became greater than the pain of like, making the decision to leave. That’s when it was like, okay, yeah, let’s let’s, let’s really do that. And how I came to coaching though, was really like I took a couple of months off and distance myself from my prior career to really make sure I wasn’t influenced by, you know, recent experiences. And I just thought about what I would enjoy doing. And what I might be good at where I could leverage my prior career experience a little bit, and I talked to a few former college leagues, they connected me with some coaches, with one of the organizations I used to work work with. And they recommended coaching programs. And it kind of went from there. But it was like, that was something I could really see myself like, that is the stuff I love. Where I could see myself doing it all day, and then having the energy being energized by it and being like, wow, I mean, I wouldn’t even think the idea of retirement would be so much different, because it was like, Oh, I would just, I could just do this for the rest of my life and retire when I was like, I just literally couldn’t work anymore type of thing, as opposed to just like, that’s what I want, I want to not work anymore. Which was something I really hadn’t even thought about previously, like, I never viewed work that way at all. So it was a wildly different even just experience thinking about that. But that’s kind of really what what led me to coach it.
Stacie Crawford
Yeah, that it really is a very different mindset to go from, you know, working today to live for tomorrow. And, you know, we do have certain times in our lives where we have to put things off until later, you know, we can’t always have that instantaneous. high of, hey, I’m doing everything that I want. But when you’re living your entire life, and that everything is for later, you sure miss out on a lot. So when you took that time off, were you able to get into the moment and really start to feel that change going on? Or did it take time for you to see that?
Jordan Tepfer
I mean, it took time. And it really wasn’t until I started the coaching program that it really started to accelerate. Because I was actually like making progress on like peeling the layers back getting to the root of a lot of the things that made my prior career. So in my approach to it so untenable, because the whole idea was like, Yeah, I changed careers to something that was like really my passion. And I was really like, I want to be that person that I wish I had throughout my career. But it was really it became clear that it was like it wasn’t the career itself. It was very much just my approach to that was really driving like, yes, my prior career had a lot of inherent inherent things that were challenging and demanding. But by far the things that I really would have been able to control, you know, my approach to how, you know, this fear of failure, like this fear that that motivated me that was so exhausting, and got me great results. But like had a incredibly high cost that came along with it. That really became clear as I went through the coaching program, and worked with a coach. That’s where I really made incredible progress, where things really started to click. And that was really like, my personal buying and coaching because it was like not only do I love this stuff, but like, I am my best example here because this is working on me. And I finally got to some of the root of the issues that, you know, I could try a million different, oh, like these tricks here. Let’s do that to try to. But you know, if they’re just kind of superficial surface level stuff, like it takes a lot of energy, and it doesn’t really do much. And it’s not sustainable. With coaching and going through the program, it was like, wow, we are really getting to the root of it, understanding it. And then from there, like the progress that can be made. It’s like, I mean, it’s science sounds hyperbolic, but it is life changing progress. And it, it changed my life, not just like it changed careers, and everything changed my life in that, like, I embrace this entirely different approach, which was wildly different than how I approach things previously. Whereas previously, it was very much fear driven, worried about not meeting people’s expectations, worried about if I fail, what what are people gonna think of me? What am I going to think about myself to really embracing confidence and approaching things that way? I mean, I didn’t do things unless I could pretty much guarantee a certain level of success. And this was just a wildly different approach. Because even those things that I did do, and I thought I could be successful, I didn’t really enjoy the process because it was like, it was only like, hey, if I’m successful, it’s a relief, as opposed to just really being able to like, live in the moment as I’m doing it and join the different aspects. So I mean, it was so transformational. Even if I wasn’t going to be become a coach and I went through that coaching program, it would have been life changing even if you know and that’s where it’s like if I if I had worked with Coach instated my prior career, things would be wildly different, and I’d likely like be so much happier than I was previously. You know, because of the coaching.
Stacie Crawford
Absolutely. That makes a lot of sense. You know, when we were talking before recording, you know, we talked about, yes, there, there was a career change. And sure that, that makes things different in your life. But that wasn’t really what the change was, the change was within you, it was your personal, maybe even philosophy of how you approached, you know, everything in your life. I remember when we first started talking, you were talking about going on a golf game, you know, going out to play golf with somebody, and the difference between how you were before and how you were after, do you remember that telling me that story?
Jordan Tepfer
Like practical example of I played golf, you know, kind of with, with acquaintances like networking at at a, like higher end golf course, like a little bit more a little stuff here. And I was so nervous, I don’t play a lot of golf. And but the whole thing was like, I couldn’t enjoy any of it, I was so concerned about making, like having a bad shot, making a mistake, how people might view me, and it made me think, Oh, if I have a bad shot, I’m a bad golfer, I’m an idiot, like, look at me, they’re not going to enjoy playing golf was in the end, you know, mitt, I might be exaggerating a little bit, but it’s like, I couldn’t enjoy the experience. Like, even if I was playing well, I couldn’t really enjoy it. Because I was just afraid of like, well, maybe this next shot is going to be a disaster, then it’s like, it’s like a very fragile state to be just like, you know, going about something that should be enjoyable. So that was the case, like this was all before this is when I had left my my prior career before I started the coaching program. And then like compare that so this past summer, where I’m playing golf with the same people, or two of the three, same same people, and so wildly different, it like flat out, like Yeah, everyone wants to do well when they play. But it didn’t matter how I played it all. It was like I was stepping up to the ball, like, Hey, I’m gonna give this my best opportunity. You know, focus, and I’ll try to hit the ball well, but it really didn’t matter if I hit it. A horrible shot or not, um, I was able to kind of step back from that and still enjoy myself still talk to everyone because it wasn’t like, it wasn’t using that performance is like what I’m facing are like, okay, that means I’m a bad golfer, that means they think I’m an idiot, that means that blah, blah, blah, it was just like, No, it’s a bad shot. And that also that approach, I became so much less self deprecating, and so much I wasn’t like shooting myself in the foot before even stepped up to the ball, because I wasn’t thinking about failure. And I wasn’t talking about it as much with the group. So I wasn’t bringing more attention to them, it became so clear, like, I’m not, you know, making myself the focus of the group, talking about my poor performance, it was like, if I hit a bad shot, no one really cares, and you just move on, you have a good time. So it was like so much more enjoyable for me, but probably so much more enjoyable for them too. Because although it feels like, you know, you want to address the what you’re uncomfortable about, it’s like, you know, people probably don’t want to hear you like put yourself down all day. Like that’s not fun. And it’s not fun for any of the parties. And it doesn’t do you any good. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. You know, you’re, you’re worried about what could go wrong. And like, of course, kind of setting yourself up for that to happen. But again, regardless of the performance, it was like, wow, I can just flat out enjoy myself, enjoy the process, regardless of it. So it was like so empowering. And it was wild, because I was like, Oh my God, that’s that is a huge change that I can just like anyone can kind of relate to, you know,
Stacie Crawford
absolutely. That shift from spending your entire time whether it’s on the golf course and your job and your relationships, worrying about showing up perfectly. And then shifting to showing up in a way that yes, you are showing up with as much of you as you can at the moment but actually enjoying it and knowing that that is that’s the goal to enjoy it instead of being perfect and not messing up because we’re humans, we always mess up. And all of this logically makes sense to everybody listening but when you’re in it, it doesn’t feel that easy to make that shift when you kind of came to that realization? Oh, wow, look, I actually enjoyed myself. It had to be such a, I’ll say, aha moment, you know, to go into coach speak, it had to be such a moment of like, oh my gosh, I’m doing this other places this is this is what I need to be doing. I need to be enjoying this. So where did you go from there? Like once you realized having that enjoyment that competent, you know that competence, and I can show up just as exactly who I am. Where did you go from there?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, I mean, that golf example, like, wasn’t when I had the aha moment. But that was like a great example, that of like, it’s showing up, really. But I’ll kind of go back a step before I answer that, where it was like, for me what was so powerful because I hadn’t even really like thought through this ever. Because it’s like, when do you think through these things, it’s like, you have to really be prompted, which is why coaching is so great in that regard. But it was like, understanding the origin of where this fear of failure really developed. And it was like very much in my environment, like how I was raised, I had a great upbringing, great parents, but like, we had this risk averse, you know, environment. And there were there was, I think they were driven by a fear of failure that really drove them. And so like, naturally, that’s how it worked. That’s how, you know, I became, and just discovering that piece alone was so empowering, because it wasn’t just like, oh, this is just who I am. I’m a perfectionist, because I, you know, I fear failure or whatever, which that alone took a little bit of, you know, peeling back the layers to get to, but it wasn’t like, this is just me, that’s how I am. It was like, oh, no, it makes sense that I became this way. Because like, this is how environment I was around my whole life. So that was super empowering to know, like, wow, I can actually now I believe I can change this, because I believe this can be unlearned. Um, and that was a huge piece of it. But I have this other part too, where it’s like, I don’t know how this came about. But I was just thinking about like, Okay, I was thinking about confidence. And I was thinking about, okay, like, let’s, let’s imagine that I’m, you know, Michael Jordan, and everyone, you know, agrees I’m the best basketball player ever. But let’s like imagine I’m going into a basketball game. Even though I have like, all the results to support all the confidence. It was like, Man with how I was approaching things I would I even if I were him, I would still be worried about like, what if I miss my first three shots? Or like, what if this guy’s having a great game? Like, are they gonna think he’s better than me? Or like, what if blah, blah, blah, I’m like, okay, that’s clear. What the takeaway there was like, this is the confidence and like, enjoy the, that is not a thing of like, you gotta you based on results, like, until you embrace a certain mindset, you will never have that level of competence or that level of enjoyment, because you can always latch on to worries, and doubts no matter what, like, regardless of your success, those two things like finding the origin of where this fear of failure developed, but then also, coming to the realization like, this is just flat out mindset that I really want to embrace, knowing that if I have all the results in the world, um, it’s still not gonna give me that confidence that I really desire. So the two of those combined are like, huge for me,
Stacie Crawford
that that makes a lot of sense, too, because and my studies of imposter syndrome. You know, one of the ways that it really does show up is through this perfectionist piece. And like you said, once we realized, like, where we’ve come from, the stories that that we grew up with, really shape how we believe and how we perform. And when you combine that perfectionism with a lack of competence, Boy, you’ve set yourself up to just be constantly running and chasing without getting any fulfillment along the way, no matter how grand your achievements are, you’re not fulfilled. I think that when, when we are able to dig into what that mindset is, that’s, that’s when that shift starts to take place. Were you it sounds like So correct me if I’m wrong. Prior to getting into a new mindset, change and risk. We’re a pretty scary place. He says, because you don’t know what the outcome is going to be. How do you look at change now? Or even? How do you look at risk now?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, yeah, great question. Absolutely. Like, yes, change risk was like, Whoa, I don’t feel comfortable about that. Like, I would put myself in like, those uncomfortable situations, because like, that the whole idea was told that that helps you grow. But it was like, Yeah, but I’m not embracing them. I’m putting myself through them. But I’m, like, you know, scared the whole time. And I’m not actually experiencing them the way I should be, or I would, I would like to be. But so it was really like, embrace thinking through it. Like, again, with a coach thinking through of like, okay, what do I want my approach to be, and really thinking through, okay, like, embracing confidence, regardless of like, whether I have a basis for it, it was like embracing confidence, and authenticity, because I really feel like they go hand in hand of just like, hey, if I can confidently be myself, then like, wow, that is an empowering thing. But it was, like, I thought through, I think that gives me the best opportunity to be successful. And I also think it’s the most enjoyable. It’s like, you know, even if you don’t get the success you want, it’s like, you’re, you know, approaching things with confidence and authenticity, it’s like, there’s no downside to that. But you know, in my experience, it’s like, that’s also going to get you the success you want, or gives you the best opportunity for it. So it was very much like, embracing that mindset going forward. And a big thing for me again, after we had gotten to the root of what’s driving it and everything, which was like, the most crucial piece, like how do you then like, take that forward. And for me, it was like, Okay, I’ve thought through those things of that approach that I really want to be taking. And so I know, I had the why and that, like, it’s the most enjoyable approach for me. And it’s the one that I think is going to set me up for the best success. And so it was really like, having this affirmation, that was key for me that I would say, Go, you know, in my head, before certain events in the morning, just kind of before, you know, certain meetings when I want it to it’s really be top of mind. And it sounds simple. But it’s like, for me, that was the way to really keep it top of mind. And extremely effective. I mean, it life changing. I mean that, yeah, it applies to your professional life, obviously. But it’s like, that’s also the approach for personal life. And it’s like, it really is from someone that was driven by fear and you know, had my mentality to embrace this mentality. And it really didn’t take that long, massive impacts, just within a month, I would say, once we had uncovered it, but then having that affirmation and really practicing it for a month, I mean, really big impact even just there. And like it changed, it changed everything. I mean, I told my wife, I was like, wow, I, I have this like little, little bit of sense of guilt of like, I can finally appreciate you because I can I have so much less worry about things. And it’s not like you don’t, you know, things come up, you you, you worry about things, but you kind of catch yourself because like, that’s no longer, you’re no longer latching on to them. And using them as your motivation are now like, recognizing them, but that, like, oh, no, but that’s not the mindset I want. But I was like, I can finally appreciate all the great things that I can like, enjoy the moment and stuff. And so it changed, like, you know, my relationship with her and just like, you know, all aspects of life, which again, probably sound so hyperbolic. But it’s just the thing of like, when you actually get to the root of the issue, you can really actually change that. And it’s not as wildly complicated as one might think.
Stacie Crawford
Yeah, it doesn’t take years of therapy to go find what the root of the issue is. It takes an open mind and being ready to explore and it certainly sounds like you were at that place. What do the people around you think about who you are now compared to who you were before? Because you feel like you’re showing up more yourself than you ever were. So what did they think about all of this?
Jordan Tepfer
Um, I mean, I’ll be honest, I don’t really I don’t know for a lot of them. I mean, because the only ones I know is some of the ones that have said something to me. Like the someone came up to me at a wedding. And she knew kind of I was doing something different my career and everything that came with my wedding. And so there’s just like this whole different aura about you, which I, which was very meaningful to me, because I felt that way. And for someone else to recognize it was very validating, you know, put the majority and I, there was another friend of mine that we play rec league volleyball together, and he was like, Oh, he was just like, oh, this, this version of you now is so Oh, this is so much better. And everything, you know, it didn’t really elaborate too much. So there’s been kind of small examples of it. But mine, I mean, my wife is just like, oh, this is like night and day, you know, I feel like we get to, I get to see so much more of, of the real you that that I love so much. And that, you know, I tell people about and all that, which feels really good. And it’s, you know, very meaningful as a father, where it’s like, she is I, you know, I can really be the type of father I want to be. Again, I mean, you know, obviously, there’s always challenges and stuff like that. But generally speaking, it’s like, I feel like I’m really following the path that I want to be as a father.
Stacie Crawford
I like listening to you talk about it. And I like seeing your face because you light up when you talk about showing up as your true self and all the different areas in your life. So it’s, it’s exciting for me to see it. And for me to hear it. Was there something that happened during all this time that surprised you? Or you didn’t expect to happen? Or was the whole thing just unexpected?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, um, great question. And, yeah, one of the wild things that I didn’t expect, but it kind of makes sense, when you think about it is like, my background is financial services, like, you know, Super Saver and everything. A lot of that was driven, though, because I was like, I gotta save as much money as I can for retirement because I want to retire as early as I can. So I can enjoy life. But because it’s now now it’s like, well, I can kind of enjoy things now. Not because of my career change. I mean, that’s, but it’s like, because I’ve embraced this different mindset. My relationship to money is wildly different, now in an irresponsible way, but just like, I view spending money so much differently now, where it’s like, oh, yeah, I want to spend money on experiences that we will enjoy, and you know, all those types of things, where like, it really changed my perspective on that, versus the whole thing of just like, let’s just save as much as possible. Let’s build up the, you know, let’s get the right investments. So we can really retire early and have that security. So then we can finally like, step back from it all. And you know, you hear the whole thing of like financial freedom, which is great, but it’s like, if you want that financial freedom, because you hate your job, and you can’t enjoy your life right now, like, like, there’s probably some things that are driving that. And that has nothing to do with the financial freedom, like, that is a red flag that like, hey, there’s probably some underlying things that are going on that you can really get at. And yeah, financial freedom, great, but like, you don’t need that. And it really became clear for me, like my relationship to money is just so much different now. Which, again, coming from my background, it’s like a strange thing. It’s something that was extremely surprising for me.
Stacie Crawford
Well, I would assume, based on what you’re saying that in the past, if you went on vacation with your family, you had a hard time unplugging actually enjoying it, and not relating every moment of it as money being taken away from something in the future. And you know, now it seems like more, it’s, yes, this is exactly what I want to be doing. And it, like you said, not an irresponsible, you’re just throwing money everywhere, you’re still saving for future, you know, for retirement because someday it will come someday you won’t be able to work even if you would really like to so you have to have that. But enjoying the things that you and your wife choose to do with your family enjoying, enjoying spending money and not feeling like it’s not what you’re supposed to be doing what you should be doing. So have you even in vacation? Have you seen a difference? And how how vacation was before and vacation was now because I would assume so if you’re if your regular life is showing up differently, you know, vacation life must be showing up differently to
Jordan Tepfer
Oh, yeah, I mean, just like the ability to be present is so which is that Like the ability to enjoy things and not be not have your mind in all these different areas because, hey, I’m so worried about these clients are sending me emails and I’m concerned about now if I get, again, I changed careers, but it’s, I still haven’t get client emails well, and while I’m on vacation and stuff, but it’s such a different mindset where it’s like, having the confidence, like you can really embrace boundaries and not be worried about it. Because it’s like, oh, no, this is like, oh, yeah, I’m getting these emails a lot. It’s fine. You know, you do what you need to do. And there’s just so much less underlying worry and anxiety about things and fear that yeah, those vacations, it’s like, oh, you can enjoy him that’s like, jeez, a vacation can really be where you’re enjoying yourself relaxing, and not just like, doing 50% of the amount of work that you would do. If you were working that day. It’s like that those are the vacations that that I had previously. And these ones are like, these are flat out real, you know, real vacations real time away, and feels good. It’s like, okay, these are actually like real memories with family and things that that I’ll, you know, always cherish and feel like I really cherish them in the moment, too.
Stacie Crawford
You mentioned boundaries. So how have boundaries changed for you? During all of this? As you laugh, you’re like, yes, that yeah, it’s also life changing. So tell me about boundaries for you. What was it like? And where are you now?
Jordan Tepfer
It’s a great question. I, I didn’t have any boundaries, because my approach was like, I want to be successful, I’ll do whatever it takes to be successful. And so it was like, I, people that have boundaries, if they heard what I was approaching, do they do it, you don’t need to be getting involved in that. But it was like, I didn’t want to let people down. Like, I didn’t want to let a client down. So if they asked me something that was, you know, going above and beyond, it was like, I felt like I had this responsibility to do it. And so it’s like, exhausting, it’s like, gonna be taking on things, knowing in the moment like, this is probably too much, but sometimes not even knowing it. Because I was always looking through the lens of like, How can I help these people as much as possible, and not really considering myself at all, you know, not looking for more through the Win Win perspective of like, yeah, I want to help you. But I also, you know, I don’t want it to be to the huge detriment of my of myself. Um, so there were no boundaries. That’s why I was working so incredibly much. And you know, clients loved it. It’s like, great, this is great service, all this stuff. So well, yeah, of course, I mean, I’m sacrificing my life space. And, versus now, it’s like, confidence is such a big piece of it. Because, you know, you have to have some level of confidence in order to really set those boundaries. And, but it’s the confidence to set them but also the awareness to know what boundaries you want to set. And it’s not just like, for me, it wasn’t like this, this cerebral, I want these types of boundaries. It was just like, okay, having the confidence to set them but also have the awareness and looking through things for more than when when like, yeah, if someone’s like, Hey, What time would you like to meet? I’m not just gonna say like, well, whatever is most convenient for you. Like, if there’s a time that’s way more convenient for me, like, I’m willing to say, how about this time? And so there’s a lot of super easy solutions. But it’s like, if you’re not thinking about it, the right away, you’re missing a lot of those opportunities. So now boundaries aren’t just like, based on Oh, yeah, I mean, how things feel, because you’re just like in tune with that more, not just like, I do whatever it takes to make as much money as I can or whatever. Because I know, that’s not the approach that, you know, works for me. And that’s not ultimately the approach that gets me to where I want to be either.
Stacie Crawford
It sounds like you learned a lot through all of these changes. What do you think is the biggest or most impactful thing that you learned about yourself during this time?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, well, it so a lot of these like, you know, I’ll call them symptoms that were resolved. Were all resolved from like the same addressing that underlying fear of failure. And really getting at the root of it, it like, address so many issues, so many symptoms with just getting to that root cause. But I would also I might have talked about that a lot. That’s been the biggest one, I would say for sure. But, like, very entangled with that is also the awareness to how prevalent and present judgment was for Previously, and like, because that’s been a big piece and being able to enjoy things, but just even with boundaries, having that the awareness, the judgment, because it was like, I had a lot of judgment for myself for other situations, and I didn’t even I wasn’t even aware of it, it was just like, I don’t know, that’s just normal, right people have. But it became so clear of like, what the times I was really enjoying myself and content, how little judgment I have. And the times I was, you know, feeling the opposite and how high or how much judgment I had, it’s about judgment plays a huge role in this. And like, you know, being able to address conflict, like setting a boundary, like that might be an uncomfortable one to set or something, really being able to come from a place of non judgment was so helpful, because I was able to address the conflict was so much less, no judgment behind it, but my tone was different, and really coming from a helpful place. Because they’re not like, oh, this person, blah, blah, blah, or whatever judgment on myself, it really changes everything. So the two between embracing the different mindset of instead of fear of failure, it was like, embracing this mindset of confidence, and you know, authenticity, but then also really bring a lot of awareness to when judgment was coming up, and like catching myself on a minute. I mean, like, you know, everyone has judgment, and that’s, things are always present. And same thing with fear of fear, failure, that’s still there for me, but it’s like, really having the awareness to it, those two things combined, really, like all the things I said, changed so much, those drove so much of it. So it’s not like, you know, you, a lot of times you get these lists, like, hey, try these 10 things, you know, set your calendar this way and do this. And it’s like, it’s so much simpler, when you just get to the root of some of these big issues, and then they take care of so much. And it’s so it requires so much less energy to do that. And it’s so much less overwhelming. So, you know, every situation is different. But in a lot of cases, it’s a lot simpler than people might think.
Stacie Crawford
How are you showing up in your business? Now? Who do you work with? How do you use all of this to to move forward? And, you know, live that passionate work life?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah. So the way I approach my business is very much to say where it’s like, hey, bracing, confidence, authenticity, trying to put the focus more on that as the approach like that is my goal versus, like, Yes, I have performance based goals. But like, if I approach things that way, like that is kind of all I can do, and you know, giving myself the best opportunity. So that’s how I approach it. I work with I mean, it’s, you know, not limited to this, but I primary client is ambitious professionals whose work has overtaken their lives, but they still want success. You know, that was very much my experience. So there, something is going on, that’s really causing them to work more than they they want to be, it’s not a situation where they’re like, Hey, I’m I am, I love what I do. I’m so passionate about it, I’m just working too much. That maybe could be the case, but never experienced that this is like, the reason work is overtaking my life is because there’s things that are getting in the way. But I’m ambitious, I want to be successful, I don’t want to just take a step back. And so it’s like, well, let’s uncover what’s going on and really peel back the layers to get to the root of the issue. And then you know, you can continue on be able to embrace that confidence, be able to enjoy yourself, and also be able to handle so much more responsibility, because you’re not as overwhelmed. So you get way more success, you know, and you can be the leader, you’re essentially taking care of yourself, then you can be that leader that you want to be that is very much the type of people I work with. One on one coaching, I also do outside of organizations, but also within organizations. Because a lot of it’s like, you know, a lot of companies struggle with employee retention or trying to figure out what what do we need to do for our employees. And it’s like, it’s different for every employee, I mean, this stuff, if you really want to make a lasting change, it’s got to get to the root of the issue. And the only way to do that is to really have that one on one time with the employee. And in a in an environment that’s where they can be totally vulnerable, open and honest. And that’s where I just a lot of value there and something that it’s really hard to get a coaching type of really internship in any other environment. That’s why I believe so much in coaching.
Stacie Crawford
I think that’s awesome. I know and speaking with many different professionals, your story, your basic story of trying to show up flawlessly, trying not to make mistakes and finding that work has overtaken your life. This is common, you know, we, we need people that are experiencing this, to reach out to coaches, and to get the coaching, I believe 100% What you say, you know, getting to the root of it, and just becoming aware of it, it changes things, because once you have that awareness, now you can start making those conscious choices. And you’re right. It’s if I ran a company with a lot of people, I would have coaching, the just part of this is what you do, because it’s different than mentoring, you know, mentoring, there’s, there’s not really that lack of judgment. And, you know, you’re there for someone to teach you what they have done. And while you are using coaching as a vehicle to further teach people and help people work through what you’ve experienced, and what they’re experiencing, it’s a little bit different, because you’re not the expert on that person they are. And I think that that is something very, very powerful. How can people get in touch with you, if they would like to learn more about you work with you?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, thank you. Um, so my website is just Jordan tepfer.com. And that’s where it has all the information on it, that one would need background, everything will be able to book whatever they would be interested in. Um, but then also, I post a lot on LinkedIn, which is under the same name, just Jordan tab for, and I assume this. So, you know, the spelling of everything will be
Stacie Crawford
we’re gonna have it all in the show notes.
Jordan Tepfer
Put everyone through the spelling of all that. But yeah, on LinkedIn, just in Jordan’s app for an Instagram and Facebook, which would be Jordan tab for coaching, and consulting. Yeah, I post a lot of videos on there, which was really like some of the key things I’d see with clients. But a lot of just like giving people an idea of what I’m about. And some of the key items, you know, that we’ve discussed here. And then the other thing I’ll notice, which will be advertised on on social media is I do hold three workshops, every few weeks, and I’m going to have one coming up in November, that’s going to be on conquering your fear, which whatever that really fear is for you. It’s a great workshop and that you dip your toe into the coaching waters if you want to get more experienced into it, but aren’t really sure about it. But it’s also not just informational, like it’s designed where we can really address some of it and make some real progress just in that workshop. So it’s a lot of fun. And, you know, might be something that someone has never really experienced before if they haven’t worked with a coach before. So that that will be advertised on on social media, on my accounts. So yeah.
Stacie Crawford
So just as a as a question, for whoever may be listening. While you do most often work with people who are in the corporate world. That doesn’t mean you can’t work with people who are not within that world, because like you said, this workshop coming up conquering your fear, like anybody could benefit from being at this. So if there’s, say, a person who doesn’t go off into the business world, they’re an entrepreneur, they work at home, hell, even maybe some stay at home moms have some kind of hobby thing that they’ve got going on that they’re trying to learn how to do something more with whether it’s a creative work or, you know, a side gigs. I feel like they could learn a lot from from being here and being at these workshops. What do you think about that?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, Stacie, I love that. You said that. You’re absolutely right. I mean, you know, I specialize in something specifically because you know, people like to say like, oh, I want to work with this person who’s special Hello, this isn’t exactly what I want, but 100% It’s a fit for anyone who the things we’ve talked about resonates with conquering your fears. 100% you don’t I mean, for example, the coach that I work with, had, we have no overlap in our background, he’s much younger than I am. It’s based purely off the fact that I really connect with him. And I can really be open and honest with him and I feel comfortable doing so. I mean, if that’s an example of like, Yeah, we don’t have to have any similarities or background or experiences, and you can really get a lot out of it. So I’m, I’m happy you mentioned that you’re absolutely right.
Stacie Crawford
I love this, I love this, I am so excited to get all of this stuff out into the show notes so that people can check it out and look into you, I know that the, the videos that you’ve been putting out are amazing. I love the way you show up, you show up as authentically, yo, it’s, it’s you you are, you know, got that personal branding going on without trying, you’re just being you know, and I love that. That’s fantastic. So, is there anything that I didn’t ask that I should have asked or that you’d like to share?
Jordan Tepfer
Yeah, um, great question here, I am going to live with myself here, I could probably share a lot of stuff. Limited. Just couple things. Say, part of it is like, if some of the best clients are the ones where they just feel like, I can’t change this stuff, whatever. And I’m like, here to say, trust me, like, it can be changed, I would have never thought that I’d be able to make such a, like big change in perspective. Um, you know, it’s possible. And like, it’s not as difficult as you might think. So I’ll say that to some people that are like, Oh, that’s interesting. But just like, I don’t know, that sounds like far fetched, you know, you can really, you can really do it. The other piece, I’ll say, which really resonates with me, is, is really, the whole idea of there’s a lot of people, myself included, that were like, hey, I want to be successful. So then I can be happy and confident, where it’s really embracing the other way around, like embracing that happiness, that confidence before that will lead to success. But then also, you avoid the whole thing of like, okay, I’m successful now. But like, that didn’t fix everything, I’m still in the same spot, like, so. And part of that is like, a lot of heat. Like, there’s so many goals that people have. And this was my experience, I had a goal, I would do whatever it took to get to it. And I would live in a way that’s so inconsistent with how I would want to be living. So having these these goals for, like, sub goals for how I want to approach attaining that goal, and it was like, they’re based on feelings, like how do I want to feel every day, I want to feel balanced, I want to feel confident, and I want to feel, you know, engaged, whatever. And doing that, like if you’re hitting those each day, generally, as you approach it like that really helps you avoid, like attaining that big goal, and have like, lived in a way there’s a flow, I just sacrifice everything. It’s like no, that really holds you accountable as you work towards it. You’re doing it in a sustainable fashion, doing it in a way that like you really enjoy. And really, I mean, that changed my perspective. Incredibly, an exercise was an example like that would always fall off for me because it was like that’s not directly related to achieving my goal. But having, you know, the feeling of I want to have balance every day was like, oh, okay, so now that is really, it’s my ball like that is part of it kind of goes hand in hand with the habits and competence leading to success versus the other way around. So I mentioned those, those couple of things. Yeah, I appreciate the opportunity to do so. And this was incredible. I enjoyed this so much. I mean, how easy it is to connect with you. You must be an incredible coach. Thank you. That’s the biggest thing that matters, just being able to have that connection and the ease in which you know, I can have that connection with you says a lot. So I really appreciate it. I really enjoyed enjoyed my time here.
Stacie Crawford
Thank you. I loved having you here. I am so excited for this episode to air because I think that you know, when I think about the people that I know that are listening to it. I think they’re going to get a lot out of it. Especially this last part of what you said was so powerful and that you know, start with that how do you want to be failing? How do you how Do you use that and going forward to create your goals really does get you to that point of having more confidence and enjoyment in what you do across the board. So, thank you so much for being here for showing up as you and you know, I am super excited for this. I appreciate your time. And I think that we will probably have to do like at least one more episode because I’ve got some ideas of things that I want to talk to you about. So yeah, we’d love to have you back sometime.
Jordan Tepfer
I would love that. Awesome. Excellent. Thank you.