Join me as I speak with Amanda Dolin, Professional Certified Coach and creator of The Mental Society. Amanda shares her mental health journey and the impact she’s having on the world because of her own experiences.
Trigger warning: There is discussion about suicide within this episode.
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About Amanda Dolin, MA CPC PCC ELI-MP
Amanda Dolin, MA, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP, has always been passionate about helping people live fulfilled and joyful lives. She earned her master’s in counseling psychology and is a trained Energy Leadership coach. She worked for several non-profits and moved into corporate HR before becoming a stay-at-home mom and community volunteer.
During those stay-at-home years, Amanda was diagnosed with a mental illness after 21 years of searching for answers. After her experience of struggling to find care, feeling dismissed, and letting go of the stigma of mental illness, she has become an outspoken advocate for mental health awareness and accessible, comprehensive, and affordable care. Amanda strongly believes that everyone should spend time caring for their mental well-being just as they do for their physical health.
After 11 years as “just” a mom, she returned to work full time, struggling to find the balance she felt before. She saw other working moms who, like her, are determined to do it all and, despite their best efforts, feel like they are failing. Now she is helping moms live guilt and resentment free by creating a clear value system, lighting their path towards becoming purposeful and radiant women.
Where you can find Amanda
http://www.igniteyourbeacon.com
https://www.igniteyourbeacon.com/post/perfection-stands-in-the-way-of-impact
Resources Amanda recommends
Suicide Prevention- https://988lifeline.org/ Call or Text– 988
Mentioned in the podcast
University of Chicago Study Article- https://www.norc.org/NewsEventsPublications/PressReleases/Pages/national-safety-council-and-norc-at-the-university-of-chicago-announce-new-mental-health-cost-calculator-to-demonstrate-why.aspx
Transcription
Stacie Crawford
Hi, and welcome back to the changes in our live podcast. I am super excited because I have one of my most favorite people with me today. So I am very, very excited to introduce you to Amanda Dolan of Ignite your beacon coaching. She is a brand that became a very fast friend very quickly and deeply. So I have the honor of calling her my friend. And I think that you are going to love hearing her story and hearing the messages that she is putting out into the world. So Amanda, welcome to the podcast, I am so excited to be here. And I just adore you and the way that you supported me over the last year in this like getting to know you and just Yes, you’re amazing. And you’ve been there on a big part of my most recent journey. I love it. I love it. This is where I want to be liked it Oh, I love you too.
she is using this very difficult journey to impact so many people. And it’s, it’s an honor to be here with you. So Amanda, why don’t you tell us a little bit about oh, no, your journey in finding mental health?
Amanda Dolin
You know, it’s, I feel like I think about it, and it’s like, oh my gosh, there’s so much Where do I even begin. So we’ll just kind of begin at the very, very beginning, which is growing up, my mom struggled with her mental health. And I watched my mom cry a lot and be stuck in the bedroom a lot and not really a good. And that’s in quotation marks mom, like what you would expect from a mother. And I just remember how painful that was to feel like my mom didn’t care. And I see now that it wasn’t that my mom didn’t care, it was that my mom was sick. So fast forward to me being 15 My dad has cancer. I’m 15 which like all the things that go with being 15.
And I knew something was wrong with my brain. Like I knew I was sad all the time, I knew that I wanted to kill myself. And I asked for help. And you know what my parents will get your help. And I went to see a psychiatrist. And I go in and I’m telling the psychiatrists what’s going on. And the response I got back was, you know, it just sounds like you are just a little depressed. And I don’t think there’s really anything we can do with it for you. We’re just gonna have to live with it. So, here I am thinking at 15 My dad sick. My mom and I suck at getting along. I’m not doing good enough in school. I’m not smart enough. Like, I have all these. I’m not enough, whatever those were. And then this man tells me you’re not sick enough that we can help you. So yet another word, you’re not enough. And I just remember thinking, is this what I’m going to be stuck with for the rest of my life, this miserable feeling all the time?
Stacie Crawford
And so young, too. So yeah, to be like I have my entire life is this where I’m going to be stuck. And it has to be overwhelming in and of itself. Oh, and it?
Amanda Dolin
To be honest, it made me it put me in a place where it was like well, I may as well just kill myself. If this is what it’s going to feel like all the time. I don’t want to feel like this. So let me just end it now. Well, I didn’t I went to college, far away from home about 900 miles. It’s actually 887 from my parents old house to my dorm my freshman year. And that was good for me to get Get out of that situation, that was a big change, moving from Kentucky to Texas moving from a big city to a tiny town. And that change, changed my mental health for a while until it didn’t anymore, and went and saw another psychiatrist. Okay, you’re depressed, here is some medication, this will help. And it helped for a little while, until it didn’t. And I would go back to the doctor, and they switched me to another medication, and it would help for a little bit until it didn’t. And then I was like, well, not going to take clearly that first doctor was right, I just have to live with this. And then I went to another psychiatrist, and very similar, you know, situation, you have anxiety and depression, we’re going to treat it this way. All right, go, here’s the medication. Then I had my children, oh, those medications didn’t work long term. So I got off them. And I, you know, was there therapy on and off this whole time, but therapy is great. But it’s, it doesn’t fix the chemistry in your brain. But you can learn things you can unpack past trauma, all of that. But, you know, it’s kind of like, you know, if you have like gangrene in your, you know, foot, like, you can cut a little bit of it out, and it’ll be better for a little while. But unless you get like to the root of it, it’s just gonna keep growing. Yes, he you know, it’s under the surface. And you may not be able to see it, but it is still there. And it’s eating things. And it’s, it’s causing pain. And so every time it would be, I’m back to where I started, I’m doing all this work, I’m doing all the right things, I’m going to the psychiatrist, I’m going to the therapist and taking the meds like I’m supposed to, nothing is changing. And then my
Stacie Crawford
I was just going to say, you know, what I’m hearing is that each time that you would try some new medication, which is a journey in and of itself, getting on a medication, getting off of a medication, and you know, having hope not having hope it kept going back to that you just have to live with it, or you’re not sick enough for this or you’re not good enough for that, like the repeating stories, I just keep hearing them over and over again.
Amanda Dolin
And it reinforced and reinforced that you can’t be helped. There’s nothing anyone can do for you. This is the way you’re going to be forever. So yeah, I mean, as I kept hearing over and over again, you know, here’s the medication that’s going to work and then it didn’t, I kept hearing, you can’t be helped. This is where you’re going to be for the rest of your life. And that was a miserable thought, like, I want more, I want to feel good, I want to be happy. And and then I had my kids who I love, but I got hit hard with postpartum depression, like, hard. And in that I remember. There was one time it was my daughter was a few weeks old, brand new mom. And it was like I’ve nannied kids before I took care of a you know, someone else’s baby. Starting at six weeks, I like I got this. And then I remember, I want to say my daughter was about three weeks old. I couldn’t get her to stop crying. I fed her I changed our character I all the things. And I got so angry. I picked up a handful of cotton balls, and I threw them at her as hard as I could. So here’s the reality is a handful of cotton balls thrown at my newborn, not going to hurt her. And yet, in my brain, I was like, Oh, I could hurt her. And then I started thinking, what if I hurt her? How? How easy would it be to? Well, I’m so tired. What if you know, and I can’t sleep anymore and I don’t feel good and breastfeeding is hard. And I had a C section and everything hurts and I’m supposed to take care of this other life. And I spiraled and I called my my now ex husband and said, Think I’m gonna hurt Moe like I think I am. And that was big to reach out.
Stacie Crawford
Well, here’s the thing. People don’t talk about that exhaustion, frustration that occurs because it’s, that’s pretty taboo to sit there and say I had thoughts of hurting my children, you know, it’s not a matter of like, oh, I want to hurt my children. It was more like, oh my god, what if I do what if I do, look how easy it was to throw a handful of cotton balls at it now. Now, from this side of it, we can sit there and be like, yep, you are exhausted. And there was no way that you were going to hurt her in that moment with the exhaustion as well as depression, you know, postpartum depression, plus what ever regular depression, if we’re even going to call it that, but you already had the anxiety and depression going on? Like, why wouldn’t you be scared because you just want to be the best mom, and you want to take care of this amazing human? This makes total sense to me. And nobody talks about it, Amanda?
Amanda Dolin
No one does. And it makes me I’m sad that we don’t talk about it. Because I think of how many moms suffer in silence who think they’re a bad mom, because they feel these things because they, you know, we all as moms who want us, I mean, as parents in general, but moms in particular, especially with newborns, we think we’re we should know how to do this, right? We like it should be easy. Think of the billions of other babies that have come before. And they survived and their moms, you know, mother’s thrived. And so there must be something wrong with me, because no one else is going through this. But but it’s not that no one else is going through it. We’re not talking about it.
Stacie Crawford
Right. Right. Which then, you know, I mean, it had to be so hard to call your ex husband and say it, because it’s one thing also to be sitting there thinking, oh my gosh, this would be really easy to do this. And that’s terrifying. To me. It’s another thing to call up the other person in the world that loves that child just as much as you do and say, Hey, we got a we got a problem here. We got a real problem here. You know, I, that had to be very, very hard.
Amanda Dolin
It was terrifying, because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t okay. Yeah. And I know we hear it’s okay to not be okay. Yes, it is. And it’s hard to say. I’m not okay. Yeah. And I remember him saying, I’m on my way home, go sit outside. You know, Emily had been fed, she was fine. She was going to be okay. For those 30 minutes. It took him to get home. Right? Right. I went to the doctor, they put me on some medication. I started feeling better pretty quickly. But about six months later, medication wasn’t working and things had shifted. And then I got pregnant with my son. And I had to get off medication because I was pregnant. And got through the pregnancy had him bam, that postpartum depression showed right back. Full Force. I mean, I have this. So my son was I just I remember going back to the doctor getting on medication again, after he was born. Got off of it. And fast forward to I want to say it was April, when he was about 14 months old. And it’s so funny to me because my daughter is like, the most rural following kid ever. But she got kicked out of her, like Mother’s Day Out program, because she’s someone and like Stacy knows like my daughter. And so this is amusing that like my child got kicked out of school for behavior for biting, which is a normal behavior, but it’s not acceptable. That’s right. Right. Um, but here I am like that was my only reprieve was having her go to preschool. And those few hours a week that I got off from her, and I could focus on my son and I I remember getting the call from the preschool director. That was, yeah, we’ve decided that we just can’t have her here anymore. And, and there was a lot of like, for me, I’m a bad mom. What’s wrong with me?
Stacie Crawford
Oh, yes. Well, you know, the stories that go along with those biter, cats, the biter kids are coming from terrible homes and with terrible parents. And it’s like, that’s what little kids do. And yeah, it’s not acceptable, but it is what little kids do. They have no way of, of expressing themselves. So you know, like, that’s how they do it. But yes, you’re right. So how did how did you know not only now she’s home with you. And you’re feeling that overwhelm. But also you’re dealing with everybody thinks I’m a terrible parent, because my kid a bit somebody on top of that. So were you still dealing with post postpartum depression at this point, even though Jacob was that much
Amanda Dolin
younger, it’s no longer considered postpartum. If it’s passed that one year mark passed the one year mark. So I was passed there, I have gotten off medication because my doctor wouldn’t prescribe it to me anymore. And so I was like, I just want to take it anymore.
Stacie Crawford
I remember back to you just got to live with this.
Amanda Dolin
Yes. And then this happened. And I was I remember sitting on the floor of Jacob’s room with Jacob and Emily. Crying, just couldn’t get it together. And I found a psychiatrist. It was four o’clock in the afternoon. And I call this one set, the first psychiatrist, I called, I called them, and I was like, I’m not okay. And of course, they could hear my voice and I was not okay. Well, that psychiatrist and his staff stayed late. When I came in, the office manager, receptionist, whatever she took my kids gave them goldfish and juice, so I could be with the psychiatrist. And he, once again, I got a diagnosis of generalized anxiety and depression, got on a different medication left feeling better, because I felt really cared for. And that moment, I felt important and seen and heard, and like somebody really believed that I was not okay, and that it believed I didn’t have to live that way. And I’m so grateful to that man, his name is Dr. Crease on. And I continue to see him for a while, and we switched medications. And he ended up with a brain tumor and quitting, and then dying. And so I let that be my excuse to stop trying that way because it really wasn’t working. And we had shifted medications over and over again. So quite frankly, I gave up there for now, I still lived, I still showed up with my kids. But I wasn’t happy. I didn’t, I didn’t feel like I enjoyed any part of life. I was just going through the motions. And it was okay because remember, I just have to deal with this. This is so like, I’m just gonna deal with it. My kids, you know, they’re important, I need to be there for them. I’m a stay at home mom, I’m gonna go do the things at the school, to the PTA do classroom mom all the things because that’s where I’m needed. And if I’ve got to be miserable, I may as well find some way to be useful. That doesn’t require me to be, you know, happier on or all the time. And and then fast forward to what I like to refer to as the day I decided I was going to die in the day I decided I was going to live which was March 3 2016. It was a Thursday. And I was laying in bed and planning my suicide. And I don’t mean thinking, I’m gonna kill myself. I mean, step by step. Tomorrow, I’m actually going to get out of bed to take the kids to school. And then I’m going to write all of these people letters, and then I’m gonna go, you know, buy this gun and then I’m gonna and then I’m gonna and then I’m gonna, and even in that. At the end it was I’m going to do Do this at this park that’s not, you know, very much used, but it’s very close to a fire station. And I’m going to kill myself, not in my car and not in my house. So my family doesn’t have to clean it up. And I’m gonna make sure I call 911. Right before I do it so that no one else finds the gun and no one else finds my body. And then it’s a first responder that, you know, has been trained in how to deal with this. And it’s a first responder that will make that gun safe. This was like in this process, I’m still How can I take care of these people that I love? Yeah. And then I heard my kids laughing. And I heard a voice. For me, it’s the Holy Spirit, someone else that maybe the universe hack, somebody else may decide that I was schizophrenic and hearing voices, I don’t care. What I heard was a voice that said, I’m not done with you yet. And I’m telling you, it was clear as day. And in that moment, I decided to get help. Like, one more try. Okay, God, like
you’re sending this message to me. So I’m gonna listen. But you better freaking fix it this time, I’m tired. And I remember calling my friend Betsy, who’s a therapist and saying, I need help. And she referred me to a therapist who I called and left a message for. And the therapist ended up calling me back and we created a no harm contract and all of that. But to be honest, at this point, once I heard that message, I knew I wasn’t going to kill myself, at least not in the near future, because I knew that there was something bigger for me. Um, and then through a weird series of events, like my mom had had suicide attempts about the same age that I was. So maybe this is some hormonal something. But you know, my kids were older and I didn’t have an OBGYN because I just had my primary care doctor that I went to see. So I’ve reached out to some friends, and they referred me to someone and I got a referral for a psychiatrist. I called the OBGYN first, and I got a push, and we don’t have any new patient appointments until the end of April. And I was like, oh, that’s like seven weeks away. I don’t like can I make it seven weeks? And then the woman goes, hold on. Let me get this other call before I get your information, puts me on hold comes back. And she goes, someone just cancelled a new patient appointment for Monday at two o’clock. Can you take that? Well, yes, yes, I can. And I’ve got an appointment set up with the therapist, for Monday, call the psychiatrist. Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have any new patient appointments until May. I think that’s where they were the last time I looked. And she was awake. Someone left a message this morning canceling their appointment for Monday at nine o’clock. And you come in Monday at nine o’clock. Okay, I’ll go in Monday at nine o’clock. And so here I heard this message from the universe, or God or whoever, however you want to call it. And then all of a sudden, God is lining all of these things up just right. And it was this like confirmation that I can maybe this time is going to be different. And I go to see the psychiatrist. Tell him my, you know, my story and all the things I’m struggling with. And so he looks at me and he goes, we have bipolar. And I laughed. I was like I have a master’s in psychology. This is not what bipolar looks like bipolar is going to Vegas and spending $10,000 or repainting your whole house at two o’clock in the morning. It is not what I have. I had panic attacks last for days, sometimes weeks. I am depressed and can’t get out of bed. And he was like, Oh, no. And he comes and sits next to me. What’s the DSM, which is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, which is what psychiatrists use, you know, it’s the girl the symptoms, like you got to check all these boxes to have this diagnosis, right. I didn’t know that there was a type of bipolar that’s called that your mania is anxious distress, which is a lot like living in a panic attack for the entire length of your manic episode. Wow. For me, those would be anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. But if any of y’all out there have had a panic attack. Imagine sitting in a panic attack for days. Yeah, it’s horrible. And all of a sudden, though, I felt so seen and so heard, because he looked at it through a slightly different lens. And even though I hated the diagnosis, because I had judgment around it, because people with bipolar, those are the crazy ones, those are the ones that can’t get their stuff together, they’re the ones that can’t get, you know, they can’t be fixed in here look like I can’t be fixed. That’s what the doctor told me. 21 years ago, I can’t be fixed.
Stacie Crawford
Right? And 21 years,
Amanda Dolin
21 years, and he was the sixth psychiatrist over 21 years. I did not give up, I kept going, despite being told you can’t be fixed. But it took a big voice eight, like I mean, the biggest, biggest test to say, Nope, you you need to go get help with your, you can be here, and you can be better. And then other things lined up. And then this man sat with me for over an hour hearing my story and explaining to me why this was my diagnosis. And all of a sudden, it was okay. And I got on medication. And so quickly, I felt better. So quickly, I felt like the person that I always wanted to be and never thought was possible. And I started to see that there was a lot about my life that I didn’t like, because I had a clear, you know, it’s like, when you’re driving, and like, there’s all the mud on your windshield. Like you think, oh, it’s all like, everything’s good. I just can’t see as clearly as I’d like. And then all that mud gets wiped away. And it’s like, Oh, crap, like, there’s a lot of potholes in the road ahead of me, or, you know, like, there’s someone coming towards me that I didn’t see. Because my windshield was all messy. Um, so I started to take a look at some of the other things in my life that I didn’t like, and that weren’t serving me. And that included my weight and my health. And so I started to make shifts and other places and relationships. And my, my, my relationship with myself with my health, my relationship with my ex husband, with my children, with my family, my mom. Because now I knew I didn’t have to just live with it.
Stacie Crawford
You know, Amanda, like, I have so many questions that I want to throw at you with all of this. But I’m going to start with this the could you even imagine prior to this meeting with this doctor, really feeling seen and heard getting on a medication that was working? So prior to that moment? Could you even imagine being able to look at other pieces of your life and see what you were happy with? Or what you weren’t happy with? Because it sounds like you were truly in survival mode.
Amanda Dolin
100% I was in survival mode. I mean, I couldn’t. I couldn’t see anything really anything. All I could see was pay. I mean, it was I was doing things like cooking dinner or Yep,
Stacie Crawford
you had to do that. Yeah, because you had children to take care of and that which is an interesting thing, you know, whenever I have been through hard times and my life going to that if I just play mom and I just do what I need to do as a mom, I’m going to get through today. And and what that looked like was yes, I still took my kids to school. Yes, I still took them to practice. Yes, I still cooked for them. I still did laundry. I still did a bit of cleaning not a lot but a bit of cleaning. You know, um, but but it was it was a survival mode compared to living a rich and fulfilling, thriving life. And so like you can’t even then, like, you can’t even look at what’s going on when you’re in survival mode, because you’re literally just trying to get through minute by minute. Oh, yeah,
Amanda Dolin
I mean, I felt like I was just treading water in the middle of an ocean. There were no islands inside, there were no boats in sight. And then all of a sudden, this psychiatrist shows up. And it was like, all of a sudden, there was a buoy there that I could kind of hang on to and get my bearings. And then it was like, That movie got me just high enough that I could see the ship, I could wave that and have come to take me towards the shore. Right? It was like, little, little, little steps. And, and you’re right, I couldn’t, couldn’t not not even deal with but see all of the other things that were getting in my way, and that were not serving me. Well,
Stacie Crawford
when you started to look at these things. Was that was that scary to because it seems like, it seems like you, you know, you’ve been through this 21 year journey. And you get to a point where all of a sudden, maybe you’re feeling like you had a little bit more control in your life. And then to sit there and be like, Oh, shit, I don’t like all of this. Am I ready to make changes? Do I want to make changes? What do I deal with this? Did you feel stuck? Were you excited to do it? Now? Yes.
Amanda Dolin
Can I because I’ve never done these things before? How? How can I do something I’ve never done before. So it was scary. And it was like, How do I even start. And that’s where my therapist came in. Because my that first there I had two therapists during this process. And the first one was very gentle with me and helped me heal, and got me to see a shift, or shift some of my thought patterns and helped me change the way I see myself. And then I got a I got significantly healthier mentally. And then I got a new therapist who I lovingly refer to him as the asshole because he was an asshole. But he pushed me and he made me think and he questioned things and, and really challenged me. And it felt like he was an asshole because it wasn’t easy. With that being said, though it was he was what I needed. Now the first therapist that was gentle, and guided me, she was what I needed, right. But when I switched to this second therapist, it was like, putting up with the bullshit anymore. I’m am worthy of great things. And you know, even before I started seeing this therapist, there were other things in my life that had changed my relationship with my ex had really broken down. I don’t know the other reasons why. There’s part of me, that wonders, and I don’t this may or may not be true, and it doesn’t matter either way. But I wondered if he needed me unhealthy. And me getting healthy changed the dynamic so much that it didn’t work anymore. And that makes sense.
Stacie Crawford
Right? Right. Again, doesn’t mean that it is true, but it makes sense.
Amanda Dolin
And and that was not like me getting healthy was not what ended my marriage. Right. And, you know, another thing on you and I’ve talked about this is I lost over 100 pounds, and I got physically healthy as well, because I had the energy to do it. Yeah. Because I wasn’t, I mean, I just I didn’t want to get out of bed before I couldn’t even walk around the block without just being miserable. And all of those little things lead to big things. It was like oh, well look, I can like eat a little healthier that you know and eat. And like I’m not binging to fill the void. I’m like I’m more in control of all of these little things because my brain can catch those thoughts and challenge them. And and so like with that new found freedom that came from a diagnosis, even the one that I didn’t like, being able to name it being on medications now, I am now on my third medication for my treatment. It was a, you know, everything from side effects, weight gain to them just not working as well. And I’ve landed on a medication that works really well, for me, also the most affordable one of the medication
Stacie Crawford
bonus side effects.
Amanda Dolin
I mean, it’s like, could not be a better medication for me, right. Now, that being said, my medication for me is not what’s going to be right for anyone else necessarily, and my dosage my all of those things, different for everyone. And trial and error is not a bad thing. Because look at me. I tried. And I kept trying, and then I tried some more. And had I given up with that first psychiatrist, you and I would not be having this conversation
Stacie Crawford
now. And
Amanda Dolin
I’m grateful that I’m here. I’m grateful that I didn’t give up because there are so many things now that have happened in the last six years. I think, man, I would have missed out on whatever it was like this vacation that I took with my kids. Like, you know, over, you know, in June, I took my daughter to Massachusetts for a long weekend, I would have missed out on that amazing witchy weekend with my 14 now 15 year old she was 14 at the time and like how much fun we had, and how oh my gosh, I spent a whole long weekend with my 14 year old and we didn’t argue or fight or what I have been capable of that even if I’d still been around. If I wasn’t healthy. What I have snapped at her wouldn’t have become, you know,
Stacie Crawford
would you have even had the motivation to even do the trip or spend that time one on one with her? And certainly I would argue that your relationship with her would be very different than what it is right now.
Amanda Dolin
What am I think about what my relationship was like with my mother. My mother has struggled with her mental health. My whole life. I mean, as long as I can remember, to this day, she struggles. And that’s, that’s her struggle, not mine. I can’t own that. And I see now, as a mother with mental illness. My mental illness and the way I showed up with my kids had zero to do with them. My mom’s mental illness has zero to do with me. It’s her journey and her struggle. And that does not mean it didn’t affect me, right. And I know that my being stuck in my bed for days at a time affected my kids when they were little. What I know is that I am I can’t make up for that. But I can show up now in a way that feels good. And a way that shows my kids, I love them and I care about them. I talk to them about their mental health. And I talk to them about mine. Because if I had cancer, I would tell my kids, you know, during this time, Emily, you know, my kids were young, they were seven or eight mighty. So that meant Jacob was you know, five or six. And I decided I need to tell them I need to do my best to explain what is going on with me. You know, I can’t say it’s not like cancer where I can say look, this is the test. This is where the tumor is, this is where the cancer is, this is the treatment and what its gonna look like and my hair might fall out. But I can say my brain doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to and my brain is sick. So I’m on medication and I’m getting the help I need and because my brain is sick, this is what it looked like before. And and so we’re hoping that like with this medication and with me going to therapy, we’re going to change that.
Stacie Crawford
Yeah. This is bringing up so many things that we talk about on a regular basis just on our friendship phone calls. You know, I’m sitting here like we talked about how invisible illnesses whether it is mental health issues migraines, you know, they don’t show up and don’t have a I guess a respect that the physical very viewable broken An arm broken leg, you know, like, Oh, we’re gonna we’re gonna be delicate with you because you have a broken arm. But we’re we’re not doing that for the invisible things, which then leads into one of your biggest messages that you put out, which is mental health is health, it is health. That’s and, and I love this, because you’re talking about how you started giving your children this message at such a young age. And frankly, your mom had mental illness, you have mental illness, you kind of want to keep tabs on your kids, because guess what it is more likely runs in families. So if we can get this message to people as they’re young, and we can get the message that it’s just a normal part of taking care of our health, then people aren’t going to be afraid to ask for help.
Amanda Dolin
And, and that is like the core of what like my message is for everyone is mental health. And I’m not talking about mental illness, I’m talking about just the health impacts every single human on this planet. Yes. And when you care for yourself, your whole self, right, like, people eat nutritiously, and you take your vitamins, and you you know, you run and whatever it is that you do to take care of your body. What are you doing to take care of your brain? Because, you know, our mental well being is about controlling the levels of stress that we have, it’s about finding that time to rest our brain, it’s about doing things that you love, and making connections and creating relationships that are fulfilling. And when we don’t do those things, it impacts our health, our blood pressure goes up, we get sick, because our immune system is fighting our own body because it’s, you know, in our we get inflammation in our body that causes pain, which then prevents us from doing other things that we love. And so it doesn’t take much to take care of yourself mentally. Especially if you don’t have a mental illness. It’s really about what are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you giving yourself time off? Are you putting solid boundaries in place when it comes to work? So you’re not working? 24/7? Are you putting solid boundaries in place with relationships that you don’t love? Whatever those things are, what are you doing to take care of you. And I’m not talking about your body, I’m talking about your mind and your soul. And all of those little things add up. And it impacts so much of who we are. And I know I shared this very briefly with you yesterday, but I’m going to share it again for your for the listeners, which is University of Chicago did a study a few years ago, where they focused on helping employees be mentally well, that meant giving them extra time off access to mental health professionals. You know, things that were fun for them. All of this. What was fascinating about this study is that they found that for every dollar the company invested in the mental well being of their staff, they got a $4 return on investment and lower medical costs, higher productivity less time off. Who out there in one year. I mean, man, if I got a 400% return on any investment I put out there anything. I would throw everything I have at it everything. Yeah, and that is incredible. A 400% return on investment. That’ll alone should tell every one of us how crucial our mental well being is because we are not talking about people with mental illness. Some of them I’m sure have mental have a mental illness because, you know, about a fifth of people in the United States are diagnosed with a mental illness at some point in their life. So this is really just caring for yourself. Yes, and If If we cared for our minds, and our mental well being, and we focused on doing things we love and we focused on, how can I care for me? What a different place the world would be? And when we start talking about that, how much of that stigma of oh, she’s just like, she doesn’t have it together, she doesn’t know how to handle the stress? How many of those conversations would change? And how would we view mental illness? versus, you know, because does anyone judge the person that has type one diabetes whose body just doesn’t make insulin? No, no one thinks twice about them. Parking their finger, no one thinks twice about them giving themselves a shot of insulin or having their insulin pump
on. So why is my well motor gene that I take every day, any different than that? Like, sure, it’s different because it’s does different things. But it is to maintain my my healthy lifestyle? It is life saving medication for me.
Stacie Crawford
Yes.
Amanda Dolin
And I don’t see, somebody might hear that and be like, Oh, what is it really like you make the decision whether or not you kill yourself. And yet, when you’re in that, depths of depression, I truly, with every ounce of my being believed the world would be better without me. So I should just go. And no one could have told me differently, not my children, not my ex husband, not my friends. Listen to God. But think how big God is compared to anybody else. Especially for me who I mean, I grew up in the church, I’m active in my church. And so that I needed that big message. But we, we, and by we I mean, the entire world. We need to change the narrative around mental health and mental illness, we need to take a big look at what’s going on underneath. And what are the costs? How much is it costing us, which is, by the way, in the United States, billions and billions and billions of dollars, between homelessness, people in prisons, drug addiction, I mean, all of these things are significantly impacted by mental health, which is why we have to talk about it. And I just clapped and I’m, like I’m, and having these conversations is not easy. And the more we have them, the easier they will become. And the more that we talk about where the mental health pieces come into play, whether that is for the mental health of the kindergartener whose parents are both working two jobs, and the kid doesn’t know, you know, they’ve already been evicted from six houses that they remember. And the only real meal they get is the one that they get at school, talking about how the mental health of that child will play into them all the way through school and into their adulthood. Or talking about that drug addicts that we send to prison, instead of getting them treatment for their addiction. And usually, the mental illness going on behind the addiction because they’re medicating, they’re self medicating. And so, you know, the change in me and my mental health. Now I’m like, yo, let’s go along for this. Like, come on, we’re going for a ride. We’re going to talk about this. I’m gonna make it uncomfortable for you. I’m not going to shut up. I’m going to point out every place that mental health touches, which is every place in this world, and can I can I share now? Well, yeah,
Stacie Crawford
actually, I was gonna say to you, I love that like it has naturally kind of wound back around to you know, I’m not done with you yet. And, you know, you are definitely at that place where I want to be like, so you So how I’m not done with you yet? Are you? What’s What, what are you doing with this because you’ve got, I know that obviously, you have your coaching business, which does not right? You don’t, you don’t just work with people on mental health, you work with many different people I know one of the big things that you like to focus on is really helping people figure out their values, and how to use that information to live really fulfilling lives and go big, you know, go big or go home, we’re going back. And if you happen to have a mental illness, okay, like, that’s fine, we’re still going to work on your values and gonna go big or go home, but you now are creating something completely new to get these messages out in a new way. So it’s really all about
Amanda Dolin
big and scary, and it’s something that I’ve been thinking about for months, and I have not moved forward on it. And all of a sudden, it was like, you know, I just need to do it like it is time, I’m done playing small. So I’ve, I’m starting a podcast. Hopefully, the first episode will be released very shortly after this one is. And the podcast is called the mental society where Mental Health and Society meet. What that will be is, you know, I’ll have a police officer on talking about how mental health impacts how they deal with the community, or a teacher. Heck, you know, a parent of someone that has a mental illness or someone with a mental illness, right, you’re a doctor, I have a friend, that’s a cardiologist that I’m hoping well beyond here. And, and he can speak to how stress and mental illness impacts your cardiovascular health,
Stacie Crawford
which again, ties back into mental health as healthy, you know, it just is it’s all related.
Amanda Dolin
And, you know, I, you know, for me, and this is something you and I talked a lot about, when I was at my sickest, I couldn’t clean, I couldn’t, I didn’t have the energy to really do anything except breathe, and eat and go to the bathroom that was about it. And eating was like a maybe, basically, it was like, breathe sleep, bathroom, water, if I could, and food if I could. And so I want to make it so clear to the whole world that you can’t get away from mental health. And we shouldn’t want to, and we want, we should want to open these conversations up, not just for us. But for all these people younger, these toddlers that are coming up, so that they’re comfortable having these conversations, and they’re not afraid to ask for help. And they’re not going to take that you just got to live with it, there’s nothing we can do for you answer. And hopefully, it won’t take those kids, if they’re in the same situation, 21 years to get the right diagnosis and the right medication and all of those things lined up. So, you know, we’ll see what kind of magic happens there and what, you know, what education we can get out there for people. This is something so close to my heart. Um, and and I’m 100% anxious and nervous about putting all of it out there. I’m happy to share my story and talk about all that I went through. And I’m a little scared, which, you know, to hear from like a police officer about, you know, how this person with mental illness ended up in the prison system, or someone that works with homeless individuals and how they ended up homeless. Because when I think about it, really, if I didn’t have the support system that I have, I could have easily been homeless. I could easily have ended up in prison with a drug addiction. And because I have a support system, because I have resources. I was not unlucky. And that, you know, it’s not. It’s just so much alike that mental health and mental illness runs so deep that it truly not treating mental health and mental illness costs us money. It you know, I wonder what we’re missing out on with these people that are in, you know, prison or that are homeless, and we don’t get to hear their voice because it’s being kept quiet. And so I’m still here. And God told me that he’s not done with me yet. And this feels like the next step for me. And I’m so excited that it’s coming and terrified, and we’ll see what happens. So
Stacie Crawford
my big project coming up, it’s just an experiment, right?
Amanda Dolin
Everything’s an experiment. Exactly. To try something new.
Stacie Crawford
Yeah. Well, here’s the thing, you know, you, you’ve been talking about the mental society for a while now with me. And it just seems like, much like how that Monday that you called, and, you know, you called and all that Monday, all the appointments opened up and fell into place, it feels to me from the outside that the same thing is happening with the mental society, all the pieces are falling into place, somehow, even if you didn’t know what the pieces are, or were. And you’re just trusting in that, which is a big deal. Not easy to do. And so I think that between the universe lending, it’s good Juju your way and your passion for it, it, it cannot possibly, it cannot possibly fail, it’s just going to be putting out the messages in another format for people to get to, which cannot possibly go wrong. You know, it’s really quite amazing.
Amanda Dolin
And I, I’m excited, because the beauty of this podcast is, I could interview any human being in this world. And they will have a story about mental wellness and mental health.
Stacie Crawford
And you will have a place on your website for people to contact you, if they would like to share their story and be on your podcast,
Amanda Dolin
right? Yes, there is a place to contact if you want to be on it, there is a place to sign up for my mental Monday email, which, you know, be, I don’t know exactly what’s going to be in there. And that’s kind of the beauty is I’m still figuring it out tips, resources, whatever. Also on my website, I will be sure to link all of the resources that are available out there, like the suicide prevention hotline, the National Institute, Institute for mental health website, and then some other you know, random studies and bits that that are important to know about, what mental health impacts the cost of it, all of that. So I’m just excited to share all of the information because the more you know, the more you can do.
Stacie Crawford
Exactly, exactly. And we’re going to have all of that in the show notes. Also, I want to make sure that I get from you the link where people can read the University of Chicago study or or, you know, the article, whatever. Yeah, so I would, I’m going to include that in the show notes too. And, of course, I’m going to include links to your business. So let’s take a really quick little leap. Tell me about your business. Well,
Amanda Dolin
you know, I, when I started coaching, it was kind of a oops, like, I fell into it wasn’t my plan. And I struggled with like the name of my business, which I think a lot of us like, Oh, I’ve got it’s got to be right. And I could have just done a mandolin coaching or, and that would have been perfect and fine. But what stuck out to me was my therapist, the one that was the asshole said to me once, man, why do you let everyone else like, you know, sniff out your white. Why do you let everybody you know, put that you know, you know, hide your light, like shield the world from you. And it got me thinking that lighting our Fire Igniting ourselves creates a way to shine. And it’s a beacon for other people. When My Fire is roaring and is huge, it does not mean that I’m putting someone else’s fire out, it means I am helping them see the way. And if all of us have these giant bright fires or lights or whatever, the more of the world that we see, the more that we can see into those shadows, and we can see the dark places, and they become less scary. And so that’s why I named my business ignite your beacon is because I want people to ignite that fire within, so they can see for themselves, and they can help others see all of the beauty in the world and the beauty within them. You know,
Stacie Crawford
it’s I love it. When you talk about it, it gives me the Goosebumps like, it’s so you. And you model this so well. And this is you know, it’s so funny, because I want to be like it’s personal branding at its best, because you just took who you are, and you’re putting it out there. And it’s something that is going to be helpful for other people. So I’m wondering who’s your favorite person to work with? What Who are you looking for, and the ultimate best client, like, who fires you up?
Amanda Dolin
You know, I love love, love, love, love working with moms who are trying to do it all and failing. And so they feel like they are a failure, and help them understand why they feel like they have to do at all. Why they feel like they’re failing, what really matters to them. And when they understand what really matters to them, they can let go of all the bullshit that’s getting in there. All the stuff that they’re doing that they don’t enjoy, and find time for the things that they really love, which includes themselves, their mental health, and more time with their family, that you know all of those things. So what I love working with moms that were like me where it was this, I’ve got to do everything I’ve got to succeed, I’ve got to be the president of the PTA and the you know, the room mom, and I have to have dinner on the table every day. And I’ve got to make sure my kid gets to soccer practice and the other one gets to art class. And this one gets to the violin lesson. And this one gets to their swimming lesson. I know that there are so many moms out there that were just like, oh my gosh, that that is my life right
Stacie Crawford
now. Yes, yes.
Amanda Dolin
Well, you know, so what, what of that is really important, what of it is really required? And how can you ask for help? How can you say no, and do so confidently and feel good about it? Because it is aligned with who you are? And saying no, or asking for help will in the long run get you towards your goals. So that’s my favorite person to work with. Because the mom is stressed and like, I’ve got to do it all and I can’t. Because the thing is, is that you can’t do it all. But you can do the things you love. So what do you love?
Stacie Crawford
Yes, I love it. I love it. Okay, so we’re gonna wrap up here. We’ve talked about the mental society, we’ve talked about your business. So I want to go back to this idea of, you know, you had talked about maintaining a healthy lifestyle and talking about being seen and being heard and the change that really occurred for you when that that happened for you. And I’m thinking there are going to be people that are listening to this that haven’t been seen haven’t been heard, maybe they’re not even believed that they have any problems or challenges going on. So what kinds of tips or thoughts do you have, specifically for those people who are sitting where you were
Amanda Dolin
back then? You know, as simple as the sounds. Don’t give up and keep asking, keep going to different doctors. Don’t take no for an answer. Don’t take everything’s fine. If it’s not, it’s not and don’t let people tell you otherwise. Because there is help. And there is treatment out there. And do some of your own research and don’t do like the Dr. Google thing and like give yourself some you know, horrible like, Well, I must have a brain tumor. No, but do a little research into your symptoms. Help that research, help you express to your doctor better. But more importantly, than all of that, when I say don’t give up and don’t you know stop looking for help. Call your doctor out. If your doctor is not listening to you, flat out say You know what? I don’t feel heard by you. You’re not and you know what gets doctors to do things so quickly. And to shift is when you say, I’m telling you that this XYZ is going on, you’re telling me there’s nothing you can do, write that in my notes. Put that in there that I’m telling you, these are the symptoms and that you say, there’s nothing you can do. Doctors don’t like that. They don’t want to, they don’t have to write that down. And it’s not trying to cheat the system. It’s not trying to play the I got you game, it’s the I am important, and I am worthy of health and wellness, you will listen to me and you will take me seriously, because I am the most important person in
Stacie Crawford
my life. I love it. It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. And I, you know, you’re coming back for another one, because I’m like, I have 48 things written down. But I’m like, we could do an entire podcast episode about that. So you will be coming back. Heck, yeah. In the meantime, thank you so, so much for being on this podcast, for sharing your story and for just just being you. And I get the honor of being around you. Every day. We spend a lot a lot of time, you know, talking and being together in some form or another. But I, I so appreciate the beauty of you showing up authentically as yourself, even within this small space. So thank you very much. I truly, truly believe that what you are doing, the passion that you have for it is going to impact so many people and more than you will ever now. So on behalf of the people that you will never hear from, I would like to say thank you. And I think you’re amazing and keep shining your beacon, my friend.
Amanda Dolin
Thank you so much for giving me one more platform to talk about this. Because the world needs to change and it’s got to be small changes. So thank you, and you’re amazing too.